“Daddy Issues” by Acamea Deadwiler (@AcameaLD)

Daddy Issues

By: Acamea L. Deadwiler

I heard a man say that women who grew up without a father love differently. No better, no worse, just different. As a fatherless child I initially took offense until I realized that it’s true, I do—Love differently that is. We all do.

Whether consciously or not, we all learn how to love and a number of things contribute to this process; including our parents and the way that we were raised. Our parents are the first people to teach us about love. It is with them that we first develop a bond. So, naturally if one or both of them is absent, we will learn differently. Women that grew up with both a mother and father in their lives may love differently than those who did not, and they all may love differently from those who grew up in foster-care or were adopted. No better, no worse, just different.

The first man that a girl loves is usually her daddy. So, what if her daddy was never around? I must agree that this may present an issue; an abandonment issue, to be exact. From not having my father around, I may have begun to associate men with “leaving”. Maybe I just expect it to happen sooner or later so I developed a shell, to protect myself when it does. But that same shell that protects me also prohibits me from giving of myself fully in a relationship. It is designed to keep out the bad things, but in doing so also keeps out the good.

On the flipside of this though, women that do grow up with a father in their lives can develop issues of their own. Often times they associate men with being taken care of and never learn to take care of themselves; especially if he lived in the home. When you see women in relationships with men that don’t treat them right, but support them, this is often the case. They learned from their mothers who stayed with their fathers even though he was cheating on, lying to and disrespecting them. They have been taught that their self-worth is tied to having a man and look to them for validation.

The point is that we all have our issues. There are pros and cons on both sides. There are also exceptions to every rule. There are no absolutes. In pondering this subject I compared myself with other women that I know and found that a friend, who grew up with her father, loves similarly to me. However, another friend that grew up with both parents does, in fact, love completely different. And then, a friend that also did not have a father around loves completely different from us all. There are self-esteem and insecurity issues across the board. So, you can never really tell. This is just one factor of many in learning how to love.

The good thing about learning is that you can also unlearn. When you recognize an undesirable characteristic that you may have picked up somewhere, you can make the decision to change it. If you see that you approach relationships the same way that your mother did, or you stigmatize men based on an absent father and you don’t like it, you can change it. You can consciously alter the way that you love if you so desire. No better, no worse, just different.

 

-Acamea Deadwiler

Twitter – @AcameaLD

Respect Yourself!!! by @lovelysistah777

Self-esteem:

• Confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect

What is self-esteem to you? Do you feel that you possess it? Would you say you’re confident enough to not be influenced by what others think? ..Just a few things to ask yourself!

The reason why I ask this is I’ve seen a lot of people, especially the youth and females as well as myself lack self-esteem at one point in time or not even have it at all!

I can understand at some point you feel as though you have no worth or you might not look appealing to someone, whatever it is. We’re human it’s only normal for us to not be perfect. But what I find sad and frustrating is telling someone who is more than capable to do something or is actually very beautiful, to believe in themselves. When you lack self-esteem you tend to believe whatever you hear. Sometimes even if it’s something positive, you wont believe it. That’s why I find it sad and frustrating, you want positive feedback but tend to question it or not even take it in. So then you believe the negative comments and let that get to you. Even the media tends to influence our self-esteem, telling us what beauty is and who we’re as individuals. Who’s job is to be confident enough to believe in ourselves and succeed beyond our abilities? It’s your job, our job! 

So all I’m saying is we as a society and as individuals need to have more confidence in our worth and/or abilities. Then In no time you’ll be happy!

No one should tell you what you can and can’t do! What beauty is! How successful you’re going to be! and how you should feel about yourself and so on! 

You’re beautiful, intelligent and more than capable to excel and succeed in life!

[M].[A].[F]

Follow me on twitter @lovelysistah777    

The City I Call Home by Deanna Brittingham (@IamDeannaWrite)

Grew up in the city, where pretty girls act saditty,

young men chase the penny, energy created envy.

Parents are absent…children are absent…

from school, learning NO rules, nobody pity’s the fool.

Streets reek of piss and dope fiends, crack heads with coke schemes,

people who never made because they shot

up their dreams.

Young women aspiring to be nurses,

young men aspire to be rappers often carried in hearses,

white women clutch their purses.

Still no one seems to notice. Let’s talk about who’s teaching

the youth, how are they passing test?

Answer sheets have no proof,

perceptions of the teacher with the NO degree, truth.

The city where the weak pulls down the strong,

not to lift them, but so they won’t fail alone

crabs in a bucket are always like fuck it,

every corner you turn, bloods are flooding the public.

Selective few with health care,

babies having babies, depending on welfare,

living life without care,

willing to stay there, no fear.

3 year old daughters dancing to pop lock and drop it,

5 year old sons, blood walking, what’s poppin’.

The city where citizens wear their wealth,

while their bank account suffers from bad health,

they rather buy lies than invest in themselves.

T.V the known idiot box,

still they emulate and watch,

with wasted time, who needs a clock,

no direction, no start, no stop.

Decreased authorities, increased crimes,

at the sight of violence neighbors close their blinds.

Everyone has a dream,

hard work is foreign no one knows what that means,

their sleeping, mentality that their owed, that success will

come reach them.

The city where they made it to the top if they possess material things,

red bottoms, seven jeans,

Indian hair that Remy weave.

Confusing entertainment with reality blindly dragged into poverty,

making the rich richer, undeniably.

The city where role models you pay to see,

celebrities, blind you with ice so you’ll barely see,

then proceed to tell you, be all you can be,

my city believes. The city

can make it if they try,

change the youth before it dies….survive

 

-@IamDeannaWrite

Cryin’ Out For You (Spoetry) by @QueenChakalata

Who hears the cry of a young girl
Screamin out “F*** The World”
Have u ever noticed that she’s scared?
Or is it that u really don’t care?

If so keep doin what ur doin
Ignorin her while she’s pursuin
Trying 2 get attention
By any means,having sex early
Just 4 affection
She’s cryin out 4 u, what will u do?

I know u didn’t birth her, but can u act as a parent?
Apparently not,cuz now she’s 15 & pregnant
Labeled by society a young teenage mother
Another “baby mamma”,not WIFE; cuz the nigga didn’t want her
I blame u 4 her bein anotha statistic
U witnessed her cryin out 4 help, yo ass dismissed it

She will grow 2 b a woman 1 day
2 plant her fruit in a community
Do u want this seed 2 B of good will?
Or do u want it 2 blossom wicked just to destroy, steal, & kill

Cuz u reap wut u sow, what? U aint know
So when this same sh-t happens 2 ur loved 1 or daughter
Don’t scream or cry out “Father, Father”
Just remember Karma,Karma!

-Queen Chakalata

Twitter -@QueenChakalata

Troy Davis And Social Media by @BLHolla

September 21, 2011: A Day That Will Live In Twitter Infamy

I didn’t know a lot about the Troy Davis case until a couple days ago from my Twitter followers. So I did what any logical, college degree having black man would do in a situation like this: I went to Wikipedia’s reliable website to research it. I did not fully support the movement to have his execution stayed because I didn’t get to research everything that was most to the case. But I did know enough to feel something was not entirely right about it. Although I should have seen this from Twitter, I didn’t expect the pure ignorance of what was said surrounding the case. Two things I took out of the Troy Davis situation:

“Shoutout to the people that now support the case but didn’t even know about it three days ago.”

I seriously laugh out loud at the thought of this. So if I find out about something and take a liking to it, I can’t do that? People have now made a probationary period on supporting topics now? If I say I’m a fan of Big KRIT, I can’t support him because I just took a liking to his music? I didn’t know I needed to eat and sleep this situation, tell my employer to kiss my ass for this case, and visit Troy Davis to put my support behind it. So to all the people that send links to their blogs, I can’t support it because I just found out about it. For everything I deal with in life now, I need a trial period to test it out, not give it any bad reviews, and know more about it than anyone to finally support it? Okay then.

“Why ain’t Obama and Oprah do anything to stop the execution?”

Ignorance is real. And this makes me love America and glad we caught Bin Laden. People really thought President Obama could have flown down to Georgia, give some Stone Cold Stunners to the guards, and stopped the execution. If people actually knew Georgia law (thank you CNN & Wikipedia again for this), even the governor of Georgia cannot stop an execution. It’s up to the Georgia & US Supreme Court. And EVEN if he did have authority, you can’t be serious to think that this case is the most important thing on Obama’s plate. He has already got to deal with bitch ass Republicans fucking with him & making his hair grayer by the minute because of the state of the economy. I doubt that just because he’s black he’s going to look into the Troy Davis case.

So, to the people that actually got mad at others supporting the Troy Davis case-Shut the fuck up. At least take a stand on something that could possibly be you in a similar type of situation. To the people who jumped on the bandwagon like a sports fan without having any clue whatsoever about what the case was- do some simple research on the matter. Google is not a hard tool to use. And to Twitter, who blocked #TroyDavis from trending but had #AaliyahPlanePlaylist as one- you showed how your selective ignorance doesn’t go unnoticed.

On that note, follow me on Twitter. @BLHolla

“Dear Black Boy” by @BLove402

I see you “thugging” now. I, however remember when you wore light up cartoon shoes, but I guess you had to grow up.

When I look at you, at age 16, I see a spitting image of me. We are both from the hood, but at this point we are still not from the hood. Due to the circumstances of us being at the poverty line, having a single mother, and having no direction where we want our life to begin, let alone end, society has given us stereotypical right to be criminals; absent fathers, single black mothers, and many circumstances that trouble our environments.

Being a teenager that has no idea what he wants to do in life, but is surrounded by people either dying or going to jail is the welcome gate to hell. I understand blacks are always in competition with each other about something, no one’s wants to be, which is “dusty.” I can’t lie 5.25 (minimum wage was 5.15 when I was 17) couldn’t put Jordan’s on my feet. I don’t want you to be a man who sells his soul or compromises what is right over a pair of sneakers. There was a point in my reality where I thought either you did drugs or sold them.

My uncles told me about a time where the hood was just financially poor, but now our mental mind frames are in poor states. I’m not here to force you to be something, I just want you to understand that your options do include gang banging and/or drug dealing, I just don’t want you to be ignorant to the fact that college is an option, trade school, hell even an average job is possible. I understand “hoes” come when you’re chasing dollars. Those other “real niggaz” are only selling you a dream, yea they are sexing many chicks, but do you honestly think they settle down. No, like one of my uncles, they grow to be men with matching shirt/short fits, a backwards hat talking about what they used to do and the hoes they used to screw. You should want more than that. Find someone you can marry. If you feel having a slew of hoes promotes masculinity then you are just another male that’s plain clueless. As a man you will know that pussy is pussy, and you should never fall in love with it, but fall in love with the intangibles that she possesses. How much pussy you obtained doesn’t make you real, being real comes from your mind frame.

Being real means consistently standing up for what you believe in, instead of what’s popular. Being a criminal just gives police a reason to arrest you, and judge’s merit to sentence you. But being a man who stands up for what his right but using intellect and intelligence makes you dangerous to the opposition. Not only are you bringing attention to issues, but you are probably motivating others to open their blind eyes to see what’s really going on.

You need to realize our people, I’m talking before the transatlantic slave trade were kings and queens and we were raped of our heritage and force to to conform to what whites wanted. Our men were beaten, and forced to work miserable lives. If you won’t do it for yourself st least do it for those men whose freedom was suspended, because that slave blood is running through you. You owe to those ancestors to make something yourself than just another number in a prison or another dead man that a preacher has to lie about at a funeral.

I’m not preaching to you like I’m a saint because it took me to the age of 20 before I knew better, but its my moral obligation to motivate you to do better because besides the money, women, attention thugging isn’t you, “you know you don’t want to be involved With the underworld dealers, carriers and mac-miller’s
East-coast bodiers, west-coast cap peelers
Little monkey niggas turn gorilla’s”

So how about you calm down, yea you’ll lose a lot of women, the quantity will fall, but the quality will make up for it. Money won’t come as quickly, but the efficiency it comes in will make up for it. Most important the respect you will receive will last for generations. Remember it’s cool to be smart because at the end of the day thugs don’t retire well.

Brandon Lovelace

Twitter- @blove402

Facebook – Brandon Lovelace Omaha, Nebraska